The Disappearance of Nicola Bully

The disappearance of Nicola Bully,her families subsequent distress and the police’s inability to solve the mystery of her disappearance has captured the nation’s attention. You might be thinking who am I to wade into the fray and offer my thoughts?

Like you, I’ve been touched by what has happened and followed this tragedy, watching it play out with fascination and horror.

I live a few miles away from Nicola Bully’s house literally on the same main road where a turn off leads to the beautiful quaint Village of St Michaels in the Wyre.I recently moved back to the area after living for over two decades in London where I have never felt judged about anything, most of my issues come from me…but in London I coped with that. Here its a different story altogether.

I just wish I didnt care about what anyone thinks of me, but I do. It’s my cross to bear.  I moved back to the Wyre, to my roots, the place were I was born, hoping to see my family more and reconnect with old friends.

The transition has been harder than I imagined it would be. Its difficult not to feel like an outsider as everyone in the village has family relationships and friendships nurtured throughout the decades I was away. I just don’t feel there is a place for me here, rightly or wrongly. I really wish I did as its a wonderful place to live if you have a close knit family and friends.

For the record I have a gorgeous family near by and a few fabulous friends. However I do feel constantly scrutinised, judged and watched. And no its not paranoia-that’s what happens I suppose in all small communities. They are insular by their very nature and it can feel like everyone is watching everyone else, judging what goes on. Its real, everyone is gossiping which in itself is normal as we all gossip, that’s what the news is all about, promoting and inspiring opinion and discussion. But I digress…less about me-thats for another blog!

What has happened to Nicola Bully goes beyond gossiping or discussion. In certain group chats I have read unpalatable comments. It’s as though people want to think the worst of other people, relishing in the drama and gloating in the downfall of other peoples mistakes to make themselves feel better about their own lives.

When Nicola Bully’s disappearance hit the headlines, we all thought she’d accidentally fallen in the river. It was horrendous news, but it was something we could understand. Even though we felt terribly sorry for her partner, family and friends, we all hoped that her body would be recovered so that she could be buried with dignity and her family could grieve in private.

After a few days of searching the river, it became apparent that she wasn’t there. Could she have been taken by the current, down to the mouth of the river into the treacherous currents of Morecambe Bay? Then speculation in the case suddenly ramped up as it became increasingly obvious the police’s investigation was flawed -their tunnel vision meaning they hadn’t looked at other possibilities. Various theories surfaced, other personal information about Nicola’s private struggles with previously withheld from the public was released. Surely this information was unnecessarily shared in an attempt to justify police incompetence?

Initially Nicola’s partner Paul was a figure of interest. We know this is normal in most police investigations, that the family and the partner are looked at closely. Looking at social media and seeing some of these vile comments I’m amazed how some people can sleep at night. What strength Paul and his family have had to find within themselves to deal with such uncertainty.

In the background the chattering of gossip was getting louder. Could she have been abducted, dragged off somewhere? We are all avid watchers of police dramas, ‘Happy Valley’ being one of them. As a nation we teach our children to be alert to stranger danger and worry about people with murderous intent. Could another woman, wife and mother fallen victim to such evil?

It’s now been made public knowledge that Nicola has been struggling with menopause symptoms and alcohol problems. It’s outrageous that this poor woman and her family has had her specific problems splashed all over the tabloids. It was obviously a knee jerk reaction from the police to try to explain why they have concentrated on certain areas of the investigation and not others. If Nicola is alive and has disappeared because she couldn’t cope, the police have just heaped a truck load of shame on her as well.

It’s now in the public domain and we are all aware that this lovely lady was suffering mental health problems from symptoms of the menopause, which as women we all must go through. Maybe she lacked self-confidence, experienced new found anxiety and the resurfacing of emotions from previous traumas in her life had come to the fore caused by hormonal imbalances. Sometimes you just hit a brick wall and feel so depressed there is no other way out but to take the extreme way out. People are saying if she did run away how could she leave such a loving family and her two gorgeous little girls? But if she is in a bad way she would be thinking the exact opposite.

She would be thinking that she was doing the best thing for her loved ones and friends by just not being around because the weight of all her problems would just be too much to inflict on them. I know this, because I too have had those thoughts and battled through them

I’m sure if we were all honest, we have  all had our own brick walls that have stopped us in our tracks, knocking the wind right out of our souls (yes I meant souls not sails). The trick I have learnt is to lean on the brick wall for a while, build up my strength then walk free back to life…

The almost keystone cop way the investigation has been handled has fuelled speculation to even greater proportions and led to amateur would be detectives descending on the area, peering into houses and unsettling the local community.

Who is giving the police  PR advice? Please tell me? I was honestly left open mouthed to see the lead detective strut into the press conference in a copy Victoria Beckham shift dress, high heels with her hair expertly straightened and with a full face of makeup. Perhaps a professional tailored suit, hair neatly tied back suitable for her position in the police force and the investigation would have created a more respectful image. She is probably regretting her choices now and it’s such a shame. She is most certainly a lovely woman who has given her life to her job but was completely out of her depth in the media circus that has followed this case. Clearly her superiors failed to advise her on how to come across at the press conference.

To sum up I wonder will we ever know what happened to Nicola Bully and the real circumstances of her disappearance? For the sake of closure for her poor family I really do hope so. I truly hope that she didn’t fall in the river, I pray she wasn’t abducted and she is alive. Maybe she felt she had no choice but to get away and that she is somewhere watching all the commotion and  emotion around her disappearance and she finds the strength to get in touch with Paul and her family to let them help her.

All we the public can do is wait, watch and wonder and hope but please with kindness and love in our hearts not judgement.  Give support for her loved ones and family and if she is found give them all the time and space around them to heal from this experience…. Which would be the best outcome of all.

The Fabulous Me Company are here to help you go through your menopause symptoms. We have  lots of amazing experts waiting to answer your emails and if you are struggling, you’re not alone. Your e-mail is completely confidential, and we will try our utmost to help you.

 

 

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